


Just a Small Kiss

by toyhto



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Fluff, Fluff-ish at least, Hogwarts Era, M/M, Summer Vacation, Tumblr Prompt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-13
Updated: 2021-01-13
Packaged: 2021-03-18 07:53:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,146
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28739799
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/toyhto/pseuds/toyhto
Summary: Sirius is great at acting, James isn't stupid, Remus knows everything is a bad idea, and Peter doesn't know why he hangs out with these idiots. Or: a few romantic incidents in summer 1977.
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 24
Kudos: 114





	Just a Small Kiss

**Author's Note:**

  * For [aryastark_valarmorghulis](https://archiveofourown.org/users/aryastark_valarmorghulis/gifts).



> Written for Fanfiction Trope Mash-Up for @aryastark-valarmorghulis! The prompt was Love Confession + Bed Sharing, I feel like this thing turned out a bit fluffy, but well, I can't keep the angst up all the time (and also, what else can a girl do with love confession + bed sharing than write a bit of fluff).
> 
> I'm so out of routine when it comes to writing these boys in Hogwarts era but also I had so much fun trying! Our boys are a little bit stupid in this story but hey, love can be a difficult thing sometimes! [My tumblr.](http://toyhto.tumblr.com)

James Potter is not stupid. He’s actually pretty clever. He’s mum has told him so many times. And if someone still thinks he’s stupid because he once got eaten by a giant frog in the Great Hall during breakfast, what that person needs to know is that the frog was part of a BRILLIANT prank and it wasn’t completely James’ fault that the prank went wrong. It was also partly Sirius’ fault.  
  
So, James isn’t stupid and that’s how he knows that there’s something going on now, no matter how many times Sirius tells him there’s not.  
  
“But,” he says, “why can’t you share a bed with Remus? Is there something going on?”  
  
“No,” Sirius says, “there’s nothing going on, absolutely nothing, and there’s not going to be something going on either, never, I think, and stop thinking about that, James, just –“  
  
“But you don’t want to share a bed with him? Because you know there’s only two bedrooms for the three of you and you always used to share with him.”  
  
“Yeah, well,” Sirius says, clearing his throat. “I’m not sharing with him this time.”  
  
“What’s going on?”  
  
“Nothing’s going on!” Sirius glances at Peter, who’s looking at them with his hands crossed over his chest. “I’ll share with Peter.”  
  
“No,” Peter says, “absolutely not. You get too excited and keep me up all night.”  
  
“I do nothing of the sort,” Sirius says.  
  
“Yeah, you do. Remus told me. He likes it but I’m sure I wouldn’t.”  
  
Sirius looks at James. James looks back at him.  
  
“Alright,” Sirius says, “then Peter and Remus can share a room.”  
  
“No,” Peter says. “Remus always puts the heating charm up at night. We’ve talked about this. It’s not good.”  
  
“That’s just because I get cold at night,” Remus says. He’s standing next to Peter, wearing two pullovers and mittens, even though it’s June, although admittedly there’s been nothing but rain for two weeks now.  
  
“Yeah, but it gets too warm for me,” Peter says, staring at James. “Sirius likes it. Why can’t Sirius share with Remus?”  
  
“Yeah,” James says, looking at Sirius. “Is there something going on?”  
  
“No!” Sirius says. “I’ll share with you, then.”  
  
“Absolutely not. It’s my cabin.”  
  
“It’s not _your_ cabin, it’s –“  
  
“It’s my parents’ cabin, which means that it’s my cabin, and you’re my guests. I’m not sharing my room with anyone.”  
  
“Maybe I could sleep in the living room,” Remus says slowly. “Or in the basement.”  
  
“You aren’t going to sleep in the basement,” Sirius says at Remus. He sounds angry. James can tell, because he’s not stupid. “Maybe you could sleep in a tent. In the garden, I mean.”  
  
“There’s no garden,” James says, “it’s just two apple trees and then the cliff to the sea.”  
  
“I suppose I could sleep in a tent,” Remus says.  
  
“Why are you going to sleep in a tent?” James’ mum asks. Apparently she’s sneaked out of the house and walked across the yard to them. She’s holding an apple pie. “I just came to tell you that there’s tea inside,” she says. “But so that we’re clear, no one’s going to sleep in a tent. Remus, I thought you’d share a room with Sirius, just like every summer.”  
  
Remus looks at Sirius. Sirius looks at James. James looks at his mum. No one looks at Peter.  
  
“Great,” James’ mum says and smiles. “Tea and apple pie, now. We’ve only got two hours before the portkey.”  
  
If James wasn’t very clever, he might mistakenly think that having tea and apple pie make everyone soon forget about the problem. But he is, so he doesn’t. Sirius doesn’t say anything about the tent and Remus doesn’t say anything about the basement, but clearly they’re both unhappy. James tells himself he’s going to figure this out, but then he takes another slice of the apple pie and forgets about it.  
  
  
**  
  
  
If Sirius wasn’t a very good actor, someone might notice that there’s something going on. Luckily, he is. He’s great at hiding his true feelings, because his whole life, he’s been hiding everything from his mother, and also he’s naturally talented. That’s why he’s able to sit in the kitchen in the Potters’ house, eat apple pie and smile totally smoothly at Remus, and no one’s going to notice he’s uncomfortable.  
  
Actually, he’s such a good actor that there’re a few things he’s managed to hide even for himself quite long, and that takes true talent. He’s seventeen years old, he’s kissed four and a half girls, he’s had sex twice, and also Mary Martinson once pushed a hand into his pants in the broom closet, which totally counts as extra. So, it’s not a minor accomplishment that he realised he wants to kiss Remus just two weeks ago, when he kissed Remus. It was their last night in Hogwarts before the summer holiday. They had been playing Truth or Dare, and when Peter dared him to kiss Remus, at first he thought that was just stupid. He said it four or five times, but Peter was being a stubborn idiot and didn’t officially cancel the dare, so in the end Sirius kissed Remus.  
  
It was just a small kiss. Totally unlike the kiss Jenny Johnsson gave Sirius after a victorious Quidditch match. However, it _was_ a kiss and it probably broke his brain or something, because for the last two weeks he’s barely thought about anything else than Remus. Remus’ face, mostly. And hands. And neck. And fingers. And stupid feet that are always cold. And ears. And mouth. Yeah, okay, he’s thought a lot about Remus’ mouth, which might have something to do with the fact that he kissed Remus on the mouth. Remus has a nice mouth. Soft but not too soft. Moist but not too moist.  
  
“Sirius?”  
  
Sirius blinks and then tries to smile at everyone at once. He was staring at Remus’ mouth, but he doesn’t think no one noticed. He’s a very good actor. He pours himself more tea and sips it.  
  
“I was just asking,” James’ mum says slowly, “are you finished?”  
  
“Oh,” Sirius says. Apparently he hasn’t touched the apple pie on his plate. Too bad, it’s his favourite. “Yeah. Sorry. I’m not really hungry. Can I take it with me?”  
  
“Sure,” James’ mum says.  
  
Sirius smiles. He’s a very good actor. “Thank you,” he says, wraps the slice of the pie in a napkin and puts it into his pocket.  
  
  
**  
  
  
This was a bad idea. This was a very bad idea, and Remus already knew that when James asked him if he wanted to stay at the Potters’ cabin at the seaside again this summer. It was the morning after THE KISS when James asked that, and Remus still felt as if he had been hit in the head with a bludger. James was smiling and talking about the funfair they go every summer, and Remus couldn’t think about anything else than THE KISS. _So, you’re coming_ , James said, and Remus said yes, thinking that there was no way he could stay at the Potters’ cabin for a _week_ , not with _Sirius_ who had just last night _kissed_ him so that now he couldn’t think about anything else.  
  
But the thing is, he has a slight tendency to expect that things go wrong. He generally thinks everything is a bad idea. Usually he’s right. But it happens sometimes that something he thought was a bad idea turns out to be a good idea. So over the years he’s learned to sometimes ignore himself, because otherwise he would never do anything.  
  
And that’s why he’s here, grabbing the portkey with his friends and Ms. and Mrs. Potter. The other reason, of course, is that he can never say no to Sirius. He’s tried a couple of times. He just can’t. And he’s known for years what that’s about. He’s just tried very much not to think about it, because Sirius doesn’t like boys. Sirius likes girls. Sirius has kissed four and a half girls and had sex twice and once, Mary Martinson pushed a hand into Sirius’ pants. Sirius has told that to Remus at least seven times. Remus knows, because he counted. So, there’s absolutely no chance that Sirius would be gay and just wouldn’t have realised it yet.  
  
The portkey takes them to Sussex, where the sun is shining and the cabin by the sea looks like it always does: tiny. It’s not so tiny when they get inside. James’ parents go to the kitchen, to negotiate with the stove that always goes lazy during winter, James goes to his room, Peter goes to his room, and Sirius goes to the third bedroom. Remus stands in the corridor. Every year, he and Sirius share a room during the week they spend here. He doesn’t know exactly how that began. He thinks it had something to do with Sirius finding out that he tickles easily and wanting to use that information.  
  
Now, he stands in the corridor and stares through the open door as Sirius walks a circle in the room, stops by the window, rests his hands on his hips and stares at the sea. Sirius has a simple black t-shirt and his hair is tied to a messy bun that looks effortlessly perfect. For almost two years now, Sirius has made calculations to figure out the ideal hair length for effortlessly perfect-looking buns. It’s definitely working. The bun is perfect. But on the other hand, Remus might be slightly biased. Everything about Sirius is perfect, except sometimes his personality, and Remus has long time ago made peace with the fact that apparently, he loves Sirius’ personality despite… well, Sirius’ personality.  
  
“For how long are you going to stand there?” Sirius asks from the bedroom.  
  
Remus blinks and clears his throat. He probably looks stupid. This was a bad idea. He should have stayed at home and never talked to Sirius again. They have barely talked since the kiss, anyway. And they definitely haven’t talked about the kiss.  
  
Oh, god, he should stop thinking about the kiss.  
  
“I don’t know,” he tells Sirius.  
  
“We’re sharing the room,” Sirius says, shrugging. He looks nonchalant. It’s definitely an act. Sirius is very bad at acting but does it all the time anyway. Remus hasn’t yet figured out why that is. “Just drag your stupid ass here and start unpacking,” Sirius says and sits down on the bed.  
  
Remus unpacks his things. It doesn’t take long. He doesn’t have many things. He tries to avoid looking at the bed, because there’s only one bed and it’s not especially large. They’ve shared it every summer for years but surely things are different now. It’s a bad idea to start thinking about how in the evening, he’s going to climb into the bed and settle next to the Sirius, and then he’s going to lie there, trying to fall asleep, hearing Sirius breathe, and he’s going to know that if he reached just a little, he could touch Sirius -  
  
“Hey,” Sirius says, looking at him. “I hope you know that I didn’t…”  
  
“Yeah,” he says and bites his lip. “I don’t. What?”  
  
“What?” Sirius asks. “No, I just… it wasn’t…”  
  
Oh, god, maybe Sirius is talking about the kiss. “Of course not.”  
  
Sirius nods. “Good. So…”  
  
“It was just, you know. Truth or Dare.”  
  
“What?” Sirius glances at him. “ _What?_ Yeah. No, I…”  
  
“No?”  
  
“No!” Sirius blinks. “Yes. _No_ , I meant that… I don’t want you to think that I didn’t want to…”  
  
Remus swallows.  
  
“It’s not that I don’t want to share the room with you,” Sirius says, shifting on the bed. “I just…”  
  
“It kind of sounded like you didn’t,” Remus says. He doesn’t know why, he only knows it’s a bad idea. He should say _okay_ and flee.  
  
Sirius looks a little hurt. “What? _No_.”  
  
“Yeah, you pretty much said that… that you don’t want to share with me.”  
  
“No, I didn’t,” Sirius says and sighs. “Yeah, I did. Sorry. I just… there’s nothing going on.”  
  
“Of course there’s nothing going on,” Remus says. He doesn’t know what they’re talking about anymore.  
  
Sirius nods. “Great.”  
  
Remus nods, too. “Great.”  
  
“Great,” Sirius says and then frowns. “I mean, should we just… go see what Peter and James are doing?”  
  
“Yeah,” Remus says, “yeah, we should.”  
  
It turns out that James wants to go swimming. That’s a bad idea. They’re going to freeze to death. But it turns out that they don’t, and the water is actually almost warm when you get used to it, and Sirius walks around wearing nothing but pants and is the prettiest boy in the whole world, and Remus is very gay and also very much in love with Sirius and can’t stop thinking about that kiss.  
  
  
**  
  
  
One thing James is glad about is that no one’s thinking about that kiss anymore. That was a little awkward, alright? And it’s not like James has anything against gay people. For a long time he’s had a feeling that Remus might be gay, mostly because every time they try to talk to Remus about girls Remus looks like he wants to run away and hide. And James wouldn’t be surprised if Sirius was gay, not really, even though Sirius _has_ kissed four and a half girls.  
  
But the thing is, to kiss someone’s friend during Truth or Dare? That’s a little risky. Luckily, it’s obvious that Sirius and Remus don’t have that kind of feelings for each other, gay or not. They both looked very uncomfortable after the kiss and didn’t talk to each other the next morning, so clearly they didn’t like the kiss and stopped thinking about it immediately. That’s great. It would make everything much more complicated if there was something romantic going on between Sirius and Remus, for example, if that kiss had meant something.  
  
So, James is just glad that no one remembers the kiss, because the things seem a little weird anyway. Sirius and Remus don’t talk to each other much, almost as if they’re trying to avoid each other or something. That’s never happened before, if you don’t count the time when Sirius almost made Remus kill Snape. But Remus forgave Sirius in a month after that and everything went back to normal. _Normal_ means Remus staring at Sirius all the time and Sirius following Remus everywhere.  
  
“They’re walking to the opposite directions,” James points out to Peter now, when they’re still at the beach.  
  
“Yeah,” Peter says. “They are.”  
  
“But if they were fighting, don’t you think we’d know it?”  
  
Peter shrugs.  
  
“It can’t be about the kiss, though,” James says, glancing at Peter. “Do you remember the kiss?”  
  
“Yeah,” Peter says, “yeah, I remember the kiss. But I don’t know.”  
  
“Because it was just a small kiss. And it’s been two weeks. And they don’t have feelings for each other or anything, right?”  
  
“Hmm,” Peter says. “Hey, do you think your mum’s already made dinner? Because I’m hungry.”  
  
“Maybe,” James says, still watching Sirius and Remus. Whatever it is that’s bothering his friends, he’s going to figure it out.  
  
  
**  
  
  
The important thing, Sirius thinks as he walks away from Remus, is that James doesn’t figure out what’s going on. That would be terrible. James can never know that Sirius is wondering what Remus would do, if Sirius kissed Remus again. Maybe Remus would say that it is a bad idea. And the terrible thing is that it probably IS a bad idea. Remus isn’t gay. If Remus was gay, Sirius would know it. So, Remus isn’t gay, and Sirius might be only twenty percent gay, because he’s kissed four and a half girls and one boy. Or fifteen percent gay. Or seventeen… okay, he has honestly no idea how to do math.  
  
He walks away from Remus until the beach ends and he’s staring at the cliff. He could try climbing but he’s not in a mood, so he turns and walks back. James and Peter are right where he left them, looking at him with their arms crossed over their chest, as if they suspect something’s going on. He gives them his most casual smile but oddly enough, they don’t look convinced.  
  
Remus is sitting in the sand further away, reading a book. Sirius doesn’t mean to go there but it happens anyway. Sometimes he has a feeling that he might be following Remus, almost like there’s something about Remus that he can’t resist. Maybe it’s magic.  
  
“Hey,” he says.  
  
“Hey,” Remus says, glancing at him. He doesn’t know what to do, so he sits down in the sand next to Remus. Then he shifts a little closer. Peter and James are watching them carefully as if they’re a clock in the morning of the Huge Meatball Prank.  
  
He nods at James and Peter. “Do you think they’re talking about us?”  
  
Remus shakes his head slowly. “No. Why?”  
  
“What else would they be talking about?”  
  
“I don’t know,” Remus says, looking away from him.  
  
“I’ve got apple pie in my pocket,” he says and pulls it out. There’s a bit of sand in the napkin so he brushes it off first. “You want to share?”  
  
At least Remus is looking at him now.  
  
“I’m sure this is still good,” he says.  
  
“…okay,” Remus says and takes the apple pie, still wrapped in the napkin. “And what do I…”  
  
“Just take a bite.”  
  
“This isn’t hygienic.”  
  
“Remus,” he says, and Remus glances at him and takes a bite. And then another. And then gives the rest of the apple pie to him. “I don’t want you to be angry at me,” he says, even though he’s not sure why. Remus doesn’t have any reason to be angry at him. It was just a small kiss and it was for Truth or Dare and Remus doesn’t know Sirius is still thinking about it all the time.  
  
Remus rubs his nose. He has a very nice nose. Sirius has always thought so. But lately he’s realised he wants to touch it. During the past two weeks, that is. “Because you didn’t want to share the bedroom with me?”  
  
“No, I…” He clears his throat. “Yeah. Sorry.”  
  
“You already said you’re sorry.”  
  
“But you seem like you’re angry at me.”  
  
“I’m not angry at you.”  
  
“You don’t look me in the eyes.”  
  
Remus takes a deep breath and looks him in the eyes. He looks away. He can’t breathe. Remus is just too cute. “Listen,” Remus says, hugging the book he was reading a moment before. “I’ve wanted to say something. Or I… I don’t _want_ to say anything, I just… obviously things are a bit weird, so I think I need to…”  
  
“Nothing’s weird,” Sirius says and smiles.  
  
Remus looks like he doesn’t believe Sirius. “I just need you to know that I’m not… I’m not thinking about that kiss anymore.”  
  
Sirius blinks. “What?”  
  
“Yeah,” Remus says, his voice tight, as if he’s building up the courage to claim that something is a bad idea. He does that a lot. “It was… you only did it for the game, and it didn’t mean anything, and I haven’t been thinking about it… more than is normal.”  
  
“Oh,” Sirius says. “Good. I haven’t, either.”  
  
“Good,” Remus says.  
  
“It was just a kiss,” Sirius says.  
  
“Yeah,” Remus says. He looks like he’s about to panic. That usually happens when he’s failed to say that something’s a bad idea.  
  
“A small kiss,” Sirius says. “A very small kiss. It almost doesn’t count.”  
  
“Yeah,” Remus says, “no, of course not.”  
  
“And I’ve kissed four and a half girls.”  
  
“Yeah, I _know._ ”  
  
“Oh, right. I’ve told you.” Sirius takes a deep breath and folds his knees against this chest. There might be a little sand stuck in his pants but he’s going to worry about that later. Right now, he wants to concentrate on sitting next to Remus and looking at the waves hitting the shore. Also, the apple pie has gone only a little soft in his pocket. And the taste is still the same. “I’m not thinking about the kiss either,” he tells Remus.  
  
“Yeah,” Remus says, “I know.”  
  
“Not that it wasn’t a nice kiss,” Sirius says. “Right? Wasn’t it? I know it was quite… quick, and I haven’t kissed a guy before, so I don’t know what the right technique would be, but it was still okay. Was it?”  
  
Remus blinks. “I haven’t…”  
  
“What?”  
  
“I haven’t kissed anyone. Or I hadn’t… before you, I mean. So, I don’t really know about the technique.”  
  
“Yeah,” Sirius says slowly. He knows Remus hasn’t kissed anyone. Remus would have told him if he had. “But I didn’t shove my tongue into your mouth or anything, did I? Because I think that would be bad, generally speaking.”  
  
Remus clears his throat. “You didn’t… no.”  
  
“Good.”  
  
“Yeah.”  
  
“…was it too wet?”  
  
“What?”  
  
Sirius shakes his head. “Nothing. I just thought –“  
  
“It wasn’t too wet,” Remus says, looking at him. “Sirius, it was… it was nice.”  
  
“…really?”  
  
“Really.”  
  
“It was a good kiss, then?”  
  
Remus nods.  
  
“Okay,” Sirius says, “good, because I’d hate it if you had been disappointed.”  
  
“I wasn’t,” Remus says, sounding a bit odd, like he can’t breathe or something.  
  
“Good.”  
  
“Yeah.”  
  
“Yeah,” Sirius says, and then he can’t figure out anything else to say, so he touches Remus’ knee. For some reason it feels different than before. He keeps his hand there for a few seconds, stroking the inside seam of Remus’ jeans with his thumb. It’s very stupid that Remus is wearing jeans at the beach. He should be naked.  
  
Hmm.  
  
“I’m going to go ask James and Peter why they’re so dull,” Sirius says, pulls his hand away and stands up so quickly his vision blurs for a second. When he can see again, he realises Remus is still sitting in the sand with the book. “Are you coming or not?”  
  
Remus stares at him for a few seconds, nods and stands up. He pats Remus on the shoulder and then leaves his hand there for a moment. Remus is staring at him again. The sun is shining. The seagulls are shouting. Life is good, only he’s a little sad, because apparently Remus doesn’t think about the kiss anymore.  
  
  
**  
  
  
Remus can’t stop thinking about the kiss. He thinks about it during dinner and he thinks about it in the evening, when they all sit in the living room and play board games that are a little wild and a little rude and fly a bit too fast. He loses every game. He’s still thinking about the kiss when late in the evening, he’s in the bathroom brushing his teeth and Sirius comes in, invades his personal space and brushes a spot of toothpaste from his chin. Sirius is obviously pretending that everything’s back to normal, even though it’s not. Remus barely manages to get his teeth brushed, and after he finally does, he stumbles onto the toilet seat when he’s trying to escape. He can’t be this close to Sirius, or else he’s going to do something extremely stupid, like, tell Sirius that he’s gay.  
  
Fifteen minutes later, Sirius climbs to the bed and settles next to Remus. They have two pillows but just one duvet. Remus breathes in and out as calmly as he can. Sirius smells of his shampoo.  
  
He closes his eyes. “Did you use my shampoo?”  
  
“You left it in the bathroom.”  
  
“There was at least four bottles of shampoo in there. You didn’t have to use mine.”  
  
“Hmm,” Sirius says.  
  
Remus bites his lip. “Well, I’m kind of glad you didn’t use James’ mum’s shampoo. That would’ve been weird.”  
  
“How so?” Sirius asks, but Remus can hear from his voice that he’s smiling.  
  
“Because then I’d think that Mrs. Potters is lying in the bed next to me.”  
  
Sirius gasps. “Oh my god, Remus, are you in love with James’ mum?”  
  
Remus peers open one eye, but it’s too dark to see properly anyway, so he opens them both and rolls onto his side, facing Sirius. “I didn’t want you to find out like this.”  
  
“Have you told James yet?”  
  
He pokes Sirius with his knee under the duvet. He aims for Sirius’ thigh or something, but what he ends up hitting isn’t quite that.  
  
“Sorry,” he says, trying to pull back but he’s in between Sirius and the wall. The only way to get out of the bed is to climb over Sirius, and he can’t do that, not now, when he just…  
  
“You poked me at the dick,” Sirius says and grabs his wrist. Sirius sounds like he’s in pain but also… not exactly angry. “ _Remus_.”  
  
“Sorry, sorry, sorry –“  
  
“This is _outrageous,_ ” Sirius says. “I thought you were in love with James’ mum!”  
  
Remus takes a deep breath, and then another. He can’t think, not when Sirius is holding his… wrist. Not his hand. It’s not the same thing. It’s not, and his heart should believe that. “Please don’t tell James,” he says, sounding more nervous than he wants to.  
  
“I hope you’ll get over her,” Sirius says. His fingers on Remus’ hand are gentle and warm. “Or else I’m afraid you’re going to have to duel with James’ dad, and that’d be bad. You’d lose, and you’re far too young to die.”  
  
“I promise I’m not going to duel with James’ dad.”  
  
“Good,” Sirius says. “I’m relieved. Remus?”  
  
Remus breathes in and out. “…yeah?”  
  
“Did you mean it? That it wasn’t too wet? The kiss?”  
  
He stares at Sirius. “Yes.”  
  
“Because I kind of…” Sirius says, fumbling with Remus’ fingers. “I liked it. I think it was a good kiss. So, I just… I kind of hope that you liked it too.”  
  
Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit… “Sirius?”  
  
“Yeah?”  
  
This is a very bad idea. But he’s thought about telling Sirius so many times. They’re _friends._ Sirius is his best friend, even though he’d never admit that to James and Peter. He supposes they know anyway. But if Sirius is his best friend, surely Sirius should know that he’s gay, right? Best friends don’t keep things like that from each other. But then again, he can’t tell that he’s gay, because he can’t tell that he’s in love with Sirius, and those things are somewhat related. If he lets one out, the other might escape as well. And Sirius can never know that Remus is in love with him, never, because that would ruin the friendship, and that friendship matters more than anything else. So, he’s not going to tell Sirius anything. It’s a bad idea.  
  
“I have to tell you something,” he says, his heart pounding even faster than it did that one time when a Norwegian pink dragon almost ate him in a county fair.  
  
Sirius is still holding his hand. “You’re in love with James’ mum.”  
  
“No,” he says. Shit shit shit shit shit shit… “I’m gay.”  
  
Sirius blinks.  
  
“Okay,” Remus says and pulls his hand free from Sirius’ grip. Then he tries to climb over Sirius, but Sirius stops him.  
  
“Where’re you going?”  
  
“I don’t know.”  
  
“You aren’t going anywhere,” Sirius says. He looks like he’s ready to wrestle. Remus isn’t, not when he’s not wearing many clothes and Sirius isn’t either and he just Sirius he’s gay. He goes back to his place in between Sirius and the wall. “How gay?” Sirius asks.  
  
“What?”  
  
“How gay are you?”  
  
Remus swallows. Oh, god. This was a bad idea. “Sirius, I don’t think you can calculate –“  
  
“Because I think I’m at least twenty percent gay,” Sirius says, taking his hand under the duvet. He lets Sirius’ entangle their fingers. He couldn’t do anything about it, anyway, not even if he wanted. He can barely understand what Sirius is saying. But then again, he never leaned math. “Maybe twenty-five percent gay, actually,” Sirius says, shifting closer to him. “Or thirty percent. Or… do you think that’s why I liked kissing you so much?”  
  
Remus realises vaguely that he’s squeezing Sirius’ hand. “You liked kissing me?”  
  
“I’m still thinking about it,” Sirius says in a very quiet voice. “I know it was just a small kiss, but I can’t stop thinking about it.”  
  
Remus opens his mouth and closes it again. “ _I_ can’t stop thinking about it.”  
  
“Really?” Sirius asks, leaning closer. “Can I ask you something?”  
  
Remus nods, holding his breath.  
  
“Have you ever touched another boy’s dick?” Sirius asks.  
  
“…what?”  
  
“What?”  
  
“Have I… of course I haven’t.”  
  
“But you’re gay,” Sirius says. He doesn’t sound like he’s teasing, and luckily he can’t act.  
  
“Yeah,” Remus says, “yeah, no, but I… I haven’t done that. I haven’t even kissed anyone. Except you. As you know.”  
  
“Oh,” Sirius says, “right.” Then he’s quiet for a moment. “Do you want to touch mine?”  
  
  
**  
  
  
Sometimes Peter doesn’t know why he’s hanging out with these idiots. Possibly because James’ mum makes excellent apple pie. Or because these idiots are his friends.  
  
He takes another cup of tea and tries to forget the last night. He had almost managed to fall asleep when the noise started. There was a bit of a mattress creaking, then some happy giggling, a few quite loud sighs, one very expressive ‘ _Sirius!’_ , and then more happy giggling. He supposes he should be happy for the idiots, and he _is._ This has been going on for long enough. It’s been obvious for years that Remus is in love with Sirius and that Sirius is going to be in love with Remus once he gets his shit together even a little bit. And there’re quite a few mysteries in the world but the biggest one is how James goddamn Potter hasn’t realised Remus and Sirius are into each other. Maybe that’s because James has spent all his time thinking about Lily Evans. How useless. And therefore Peter has been quite alone, having to bear witness to the endless pining.  
  
But not anymore. Now the pining is over, and what has begun might very well be even worse.  
  
“I have to tell you something,” Sirius says to no one in particular. He’s got a slice of apple pie in one hand and a cup of tea in the other. Remus is sitting next to him, looking scared but in a hopeful way. James looks like he doesn’t know what the hell Sirius is talking about, James’ dad is reading a newspaper and James’ mum looks like she’s dreaming of another holiday, alone.  
  
“Just tell us,” Peter says, because some things are unavoidable. Better to get it over with. That’s exactly what he was thinking two weeks ago, when they were playing Truth or Dare.  
  
Sirius smiles. He probably thinks he looks cool, but actually he just looks very happy. “Remus and I are in love.”


End file.
